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The awful realisation of what I was and what I had been crushed me - Ileft my breakfast cereal to congeal and cried listlessly, staring intospace and knowing with awful certainty that I couldn't bear being maleany more.The next week passed in miserable moping. Each evening when I got homefrom work I put on that dress and each time I stayed resolutely male andtook it off. Where I had once looked forward to getting home andstepping into a skirt, now the idea repulsed me. Having been out andgloriously woman I couldn't accept any shallow substitute."You can do it?" I said to the mirror one morning, it might have beenWednesday. I'd been busy researching through the internet and checkinggovernment websites for processes and structures, forms and proceduresfor changing my gender. I could have wept at the prospect of the rockyroad I was looking along, but having experienced one afternoon as PippaI knew I needed to do it.Friday came and Nina came too. As I turned the corner from the bus stopI. "I, er, heard two girls in my class talking about that." About what, exactly?" Sophia asked."Well, one was saying how great her new boyfriend was, because he was really, you know." She blushed deeper. "Big." Bullshit," Sophia laughed. "That's someone trying to impress a friend. Listen, Warren's not small..."Kristin interrupted, dismayed. "Oh, God, I don't know if I want to know these things about my brother>" Hey, Kris, you asked me what sex was like. Who do I have sex with?" Sophia asked bemused. Kristin looked a little sheepish. "Don't worry, I'll try not to go into too much graphic detail. Anyhow, Warren's not small-but he's not huge, either. I've had bigger. I've never had better, and it's not even close. Size means nothing. Attitude means everything." Attitude?" My pleasure is as important to Warren as his own is. If not more so." Oh." That is what I mean when I say the guy makes a difference. A lot of other things make a difference. Your attitude." Kristin looked at her. Sophie.
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